Wednesday, September 29, 2010

I've Got a Big Ego

Soooooooooooo... I just watched the movie Revolver.  Very good movie.  I had to put my Building Websites for Dummies book down to give this my full attention.  Now I must say I did cheat a little.  Somebody did hip me to what this movie was about but it didn't spoil it at all.  As I got deeper into the film, the more I could see how correct this person was, the more I liked the film.  I'm about to spoil it for you.  The film, Revolver, is about overcoming or controlling your ego.

I will not get in the plot of the film.  I've already exposed the most important part.  This post is to talk about the difference between pride and ego and how to control both or at least the latter.  Too much pride might as well equal ego and some of us know how it is dealing with somebody with a huge ego.  Do not let Beyonce mess your mind up.  Having a big ego IS NOT a good thing.

Pride is said to be selfless, a pleasure in your accomplishments with humility.  Ego is selfish as hell and is said to be self-intoxicating.  People with huge egos are usually the most insecure individuals around.  You know who I'm talking about, maybe you are who I'm talking about... I know I've been there.  Those with healthy pride are selfless.  They understand their life and the things done are bigger than themselves.  The egotistical ones can usually be found belittling somebody they feel they are above.

Your ego will destroy everything you work toward if not controlled.  Your love life will be destroyed by ego, thinking something is always wrong with's never you.  Your career will be sabotaged by ego, they can't fire you they need you to run the company smoothly.  That kind of thinking is ego.  The egotistical are always looking for approval from external sources instead of approving themselves.  They need those ego boost to breathe!!! Ego must be checked, told who runs this thing called life, and broken down to obey or to nothing at all.  How do you do that?  How do you stop your ego from keeping you single, unemployed, friendless?

Number One: STOP comparing yourself to others. STOP. STOP. STOP. It is nothing but a game your ego plays to tell you why you're better than others.  I caught myself playing this game today on the way to sign up for a new membership at a gym.  Me, Miss Natural Black America, see another sister with her blonde hair, hazel eyes, and false lashes and think 'Why can't she just accept who she is?'  In actuality, she may be a person who is comfortable who she was dressed today.  But the fact that I caught myself comparing myself to her and in a sense spitting on her "Westernized appearance" showed an insecurity in myself.  In hindsight, I see that was all ego this morning.  Comparing yourself to others in rarely done in a positive manner.  Rarely do you hear somebody look for the things in another person that will make themselves look bad.  No, people look for ways to make themselves feel better.  Be comfortable in yourself and who you are.

Number Two: MEDITATE!!! I. Am. Struggling. With. This.  I intend to continue to practice until I get it right.  They say going within yourself and learning to quiet and control your mind help control the ego.  In Revolver one of the most powerful line was when the main character tells himself/ego, "You don't control me. I control you."  Eyes closed, calm breaths, calm tone and what did his ego do? Flip the hell out!  It knew the jig was up.  We have to learn how to control ourselves.  Meditation is a great tool that helps with that.

Any thoughts on the ego and how it can be tamed?  I'd love to read them.


What is Your Purpose?

I have been on hiatus from this blog for a few months.  A LOT has been learned...soaked in since the year started and I am trying to wrap my mind around everything I've learned.  It is intense, in a sense, because I thought I found myself years ago and there I go wanting to learn and know more and here I am with all of what I have learned and trying to figure out how I FEEL about these things. (If that makes any sense.) 

The title of this post... What is Your Purpose? I've been asked this a few times this Summer, by myself and others. I remember putting in an email to someone that I am a healer... that is my purpose.  That is something I feel in my heart.  Choosing my current profession, being interested in Naturopathic medicine, choosing to heal aspects (such as financial, dietary, career, etc because I feel ANY dysfunction in these aspects is a dis-ease in that area & it needs to be healed) of myself, and most importantly wanting to share healing with others, especially Black Women show that this is something I feel strongly about.  Another purpose, rebuilding the Black community (which I cannot do alone).  This, right here, has been on my heart for years.  And not being sure where or how, I've been led to a powerful group, for lack of better word, that keep me focused on this purpose.

When asked what their purpose is, many people draw a blank.  Some have not even thought about it.  They walk aimlessly through life hoping somebody will stop them outside of Starbucks and tell them what they're supposed to be doing.  In the book The Spirit of Intimacy by Sobonfu Some, it is stated that children tell their village what their purpose is before leaving the womb.  If this is possible, if you believe it, then you know what you're hear to do before your first breath.  Why are you fighting it?  That thing that you constantly push to the back burner, afraid of ridicule.  What you may stay up late at night researching.  The tug in your stomach, the book that piqued an interest that has always been there... that is your purpose.

How do you find this? I can't answer that for you.  You have to ask yourself what you are here to do.  Meditate on it.  The answer will come to you.  Some say you can figure this out in twenty minutes.  Here's what they say to do:

"1.Take out a blank sheet of paper or open up a word processor where you can type (I prefer the latter because it’s faster).

2.Write at the top, “What is my true purpose in life?”

3.Write an answer (any answer) that pops into your head. It doesn’t have to be a complete sentence. A short phrase is fine.

4.Repeat step 3 until you write the answer that makes you cry. This is your purpose."
I didn't cry when I discovered I want to "heal"... should I check my purpose?  No. lol You may not cry. What do you feel strongly about? Educating children the proper way and not the way they do in public schools?  Dropping knowledge in a poetic form that would make Jill Scott bow down?  Your purpose will not be as profound as Mother Theresa's. Don't expect it to be.  Your life is all about what works for you. Not what you've been told to believe, feel, or say... Nobody but nobody can tell you why you are here.  That is between you and The Creator.  Get quiet, go within, and find yourself.

Come back soon for my posts on Debt and Breast Cancer Awareness Month.